Grif Gapped to Gensokyo
by TheBestWriterInTheMultiverse
Summary: When the laziest member of Red Team is spirited away to Gensokyo by a certain mischievous Gap-hag, Grif must find out where he is and why he was brought here. But he needs to survive everything Gensokyo has to throw at him first! Follow Grif as he is haphazardly thrown from one dangerous situation to the next!
1. Chapter 1- Arrival

**Disclaimer: The characters and settings depicted in this story are property of Rooster Teeth and Team Shanghai Alice.**

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Chapter 1: Grif's Arrival

Grif stumbled tiredly into Red Base's barracks, exhausted from another encounter with the Blue Team. Their interactions with the opposing team have grown from hostile to just plain ridiculous, and Grif was beginning to think this whole thing was a joke.

Of course, he'd never tell Sarge that. If only because he liked his internal organs to stay internal.

Grif didn't even remove his helmet before letting his body fall backwards, waiting for his bed to break his fall and allow him a good two hours of sleep before Sarge woke him up for midnight-morning drills.

It never did. Grif opened his eyes, confused and startled, when he continued to fall backwards. He looked around, only to find he had been swallowed up by... something. He wasn't quite sure what it was. The darkness was broken only by the terrifying sight of dozens of eyes staring blankly at him as he fell. Above him was a strange rift, inside which he could see the barracks, that grew farther and farther away from him as he fell.

Suddenly, the eyes that surrounded him were replaced with blue skies as he fell through another strange rift. He could now see that the rift's edges appeared to be held closed by two red ribbons. There was a Donut joke in there somewhere, but Grif didn't feel like thinking about that.

After all, he was now plummeting at an alarming speed towards the ground below. He closed his eyes, waiting for the impact.

"I've lived a good life..." He thought, awaiting his end, "Shit, no wait, no I haven't. My commanding officer was a dickbag and no one ever listened to me!"

It was at this thought that he felt himself plunge into a body of water. He was saved for the time being, but he had absolutely no idea where he was. He surfaced and looked around, trying to locate the shore. Once he located land, he swam towards it. He was never a great swimmer, but then again, one could argue that Grif was never really great at anything. He was simply okay at most things, and bad at other things, but he never had anything notable he excelled at. Except being Grif, and being Grif in itself wasn't much of an accomplishment.

As he crawled up onto the shore, he felt a slight chill from behind him. This was unusual, because the weather had been pleasantly warm since he landed; even the lake was a comfortable temperature. He turned around, only to be greeted by what appeared to be a young girl. She had quite the unusual appearance. Everything about her seemed... blue. She had light blue hair that was cut fairly short, and in which she wore a huge green ribbon. She wore a deep blue dress over a collared shirt with puffy sleeves. Her collar was also adorned with a ribbon; red this time, tied with a sort of haphazard grace. Her eyes were also blue, and they were filled with amazement at Grif's own appearance.

However, the most interesting, and, indeed, most unsettling thing about her was the ice crystal-like clusters sticking out of her back like wings. This, along with the slight chill and wisps of cold mist, gave her an otherworldly appearance.

Having no idea where he was and absolutely no guidance about this place, he decided to break the ice, pardoning the pun, with the unusual blue haired girl.

"Uh, Hey. Um... I'm Private Grif, from Red Team. I'm new here... who are you?"

"Eye'm Cirno, the strongest youkai of em all."

"Um, the strongest what?"

"You know a youkai, eye'm a ice fairy."

"A fairy! I didn't think fairies existed! But then again, Sarge though pumas aren't real either... so I suppose I could have been wrong."

"Puma?"

"Oh come on! I can't be the only one who knows what a puma is!" Grif yelled, placing his hands on his visor and sighing. "Anyway, you said you were the strongest, so that means you're the commanding officer, right? Anyway, do you know where we are?"

"Well we're at misty lake."

"Well, I've never heard of Misty Lake before... Do you have any idea where Blood Gulch is? That's where I'm supposed to be stationed. Oh man, if I can't make it back before Sarge notices I'm gone, He'll probably use me as target practice again."

"Well if you're looking for directions eye think you should head to that mansion over there."the girl in blue then pointed to the mansion at the far edge of the lake.

"Oh man, that looks like a long walk..." Grif mumbled to himself, turning to the blue fairy, he replied. "Well, Cirno, thanks for the help. Maybe I'll see you again sometime."

"Well eye've gotta go freeze some frogs now. See ya around!"

Grif began walking along the edge of the lake. As he stated previously, it looked like a fairly long walk from where he was. He still didn't know where this place was or how he got here, but he only hoped that inside the mansion lied the answers to all his questions.

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**AN: Hey guys! This was a collaboration between me an one of my friends. I've got some pretty interesting ideas for this story. Tell me what you guys think. Reviews would be great.**


	2. Chapter 2- Dangerous Encounter

**Disclaimer: The characters and settings depicted in this story are property of Rooster Teeth and Team Shanghai Alice.**

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Grif, being Grif, walked at a leisurely pace around the lake, taking frequent breaks along the way, one or two wound up being naps. Grif already resigned himself to getting trouble with Sarge, so he was figured it was fine to take his time.

The orange-armored soldier managed to make it halfway to the mansion, walking the circumference of the lake, before the sun began concealing itself behind the horizon. Grif was getting a bit anxious; after all, he was bad at gathering firewood, bad at making a shelter, and bad at finding food that wasn't pre-packaged and individually wrapped for freshness.

"Oh man, I can't run that far..." Grif sighed, looking at the remaining distance from where he was standing to the elegant building in the distance. While he figured there was probably something built into the suit for sprinting (or at the very least something that would determine the remaining distance), and, in fact, vaguely remembered Simons mentioning something along those lines, Grif paid more attention to other functions of the suit. In particular, he paid most attention to the lockup function, which made it extremely easy to fall asleep standing up.

Grif knew that he should stay near the shore, but he felt too exposed. Ever since he came here, he got this ominous feeling. It was like there was an underlying evil about where he wound up. At the very least, he got the feeling that he wasn't supposed to be here.

Not trusting his skills to make a secure structure, Grif decided to conceal himself in the nearby forest. It was close enough to the shore that he figured it would be an easy matter to make it back in the morning.

Wandering deeper into the forest, Grif began to get the feeling someone was watching him. As the dusk began to give way to the darkness of night, Grif silently cursed himself for not having the foresight to pick up firewood as he walked. He quickly scrounged up some sticks and began desperately trying to make a fire. He wasn't quite familiar with the proper method, but he figured it wouldn't matter as long as he generated enough heat through friction. At one point, he had gone through a survival training course, but like most of the work assigned to him, he found the easy way out of it.

This resulted in the rather humorous scene of a man in orange armor frantically rubbing two sticks together with only the slightest idea of what he was doing, while frantically looking around to make sure he was still alone.

Suddenly, a metallic ping and a brief clamping pressure on the back of Grif's helmet alerted him to the presence of another. As he turned around, he found yet another small girl. This one had blonde hair with a red ribbon tied in it on one side. She wore a long-sleeved, white shirt, over which she wore a black vest and a red tie, as well as a black skirt. She was currently holding her mouth in pain.

"Ow... I smelled a human, but all I tasted was metal!" the girl whined.

Grif was slightly disturbed by what the girl had said, but she seemed harmless enough. After all, she was quite small, and as she already discovered, she could not bite through Grif's suit.

"Hey, what were you biting me for, anyway!" Grif replied.

"A human like you shouldn't be wandering around the Forest of Magic at night... some youkai EAT humans like you..." the girl spoke. She began to rise in the air, extending her arms out.

"Maybe you're like a nut; if I crack open that metal shell of yours I can eat what's inside!"

Grif gulped, "E-eat me? I don't want to be eaten!"

The "youkai", now hovering ominously over Grif, began to attack with what Grif could only describe as glowing jawbreakers. They were round orbs of energy that shot out in a pattern and began wreaking havoc on the surrounding trees. Which was unfortunate, because Grif had picked one of these said trees as a hiding spot.

"Shit shit shit shit SHIT!" Grif cursed, rushing from behind his cover tree to a nearby rock. Even the rock was having a hard time holding up against the barrage of colorful attacks.

"I always thought I'd die sleeping on guard duty, or at least, die sleeping!" Grif complained, rushing out from behind the rock. He tried to locate another piece of cover, but he was too late, and one of the flaming marshmallows crashed into his stomach. His armor's shields helped to absorb some of the attack, but not all of it, and much of the heat was transferred through the armor. Grif once again dove behind a tree and clenched his stomach where he was hit. It didn't do a lot of damage, but it left a strange, warm, tingling feeling and a slight sting. His armor's shields flickered as they recharged, and he decided to peek out from behind his new cover.

"You're a pesky snack!" the girl glared directly at him.

"Oh shit, what's she doing now?" Grif mumbled to himself.

The girl held up a strange card. It didn't seem like a physical object, but some sort of ethereal representation of something even more ominous. As the card rotated, the girl recited, "Night Sign~ 'Night Bird'!"

Suddenly, the surrounding area grew dark, and she began shooting out curved waves of the shining gumdrops, alternating between blue and green, curving in one direction, and then the other. Grif was quickly cornered by the attack. His suit withstood that single attack, but he wasn't sure if he could hold up against a barrage like this. He braced for the impact, but it never came.

"Magic Sign~ 'Artful Sacrifice'!"

The yell was accompanied by a strange doll; it flew out into the waves of attacks and exploded, eliminating all the energy gumballs and saving Grif from his impending doom. The surrounding area reverted back to normal, and the blonde-haired flesh-hungry girl panicked and fled.

"Woah, that's a weird outfit for a human."

Grif whirled around, that was the same voice from before; the one that called out that attack that saved him. Standing before him was another girl, but this one actually took on the appearance of a teenager, as opposed to the other two, who looked younger. She had short blonde hair that was held out of her eyes with a frilly red headband. She wore a blue dress, with a frilly pink ribbon tied around her waist like a belt, as well as a white shall upon her shoulders. Floating beside her was another one of those dolls. As it was not currently in the process of exploding, Grif was able to examine it more. It too had blonde hair, but it was longer, and had a red ribbon tied up the back. It wore a small black dress, with a white collar and apron.

"You called me a human, so I'm guessing that means you're one of those "youkai" things too, right?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, though, I'm not going to attack you. Rumia gets a bit cocky sometimes. She thinks that every stray human that runs around here is her food." girl replied.

"Rumia?" Grif repeated, slightly dazed and confused by the battle.

"The youkai you fought; her name's Rumia." the girl clarified, "I'm Alice Margatroid, I live near here."

"Uh, nice to meet you... I'm Grif."

"Well Grif, where are you headed this late?" Alice asked.

"I was told to go to that big mansion near the edge of the lake," Grif replied, turning around and pointing towards... somewhere. He just now remembered that he had gotten pretty deep into the forest before he encountered Rumia. He couldn't quite remembered where the lake was.

"Well, the mansion's pretty far off, and you don't seem to be doing a good job camping out here by yourself." Alice pointed out, glancing at his sorry excuse for a campfire.

"HEY!" Grif yelled defensively, "I almost had a fire! I was just rudely interrupted!"

Alice rolled her eyes, "At any rate, camping by yourself is dangerous, especially if you don't know how to deal with danmaku battles."

"Dan-marku... what?" Grif asked

"That type of attacking is called danmaku. Pretty much every youkai uses it." Alice explained, demonstrating with a simple attack of her own. It flew out and hit one of the trees, boring into the bark a little before dispersing. "I'll explain more later, right now, it's a good idea to get to a safe place before more youkai decide to make you their dinner. Follow me."

"Huh, where are we going?" Grif asked.

"To my house. I'm always finding travelers and humans from the village wandering around lost. I let them stay at my house if it's getting late." Alice replied.

"Well, thanks!" Grif replied, "Sorry, I'm not really used to this place."

"'This place'? So you're not from Gensokyo, then? Makes sense, you're armor looks advanced, even for kappa technology."

"Gen- what?" Grif asked, still confused.

"You're not Japanese then, I assume." Alice assessed. "Look, I can explain everything to you when we get back."

Grif followed Alice back until they reached a small cottage. Alice invited him in, and the quaint, homely feel was a sight for sore eyes for a soldier who's been away from any sort of civilization aside from the base for years. Even with Donut's "interior decorating", there's only so much you can do with a metal building, and Grif didn't really care for Donut's modifications to the base anyway. The cottage, however, was not excessively girly, instead having an almost simple appearance; the rooms were quite plainly decorated.

"The guest room's upstairs to the left, and the bathroom's just across the hall." Alice pointed out, "I'm going to be doing some research, so don't make too much nois-"

Suddenly, Alice was cut off by a shout coming from the aforementioned guest room.

"ALICE! Welcome back, da ze!"

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**AN: Since there's two of us working on this story, we've decided to differentiate ourselves. From now on, I will be known as author Gamma and my friend is author Epsilon. So, I was writing this on Google Docs with my friend, and every time I paused he would turn things into Rock Lobster.**

"Grif was in the woods,  
He was just trying to start a fire  
Rumia gave him quite a shock  
Then he hid behind a rock...  
But it wasn't a rock  
it was a rock lobster!" - Epsilon.


	3. Chapter 3: Unexpected Visitors

**Disclaimer: The characters and settings depicted in this story are property of Rooster Teeth and Team Shanghai Alice.**

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"What are you doing here so late?" Alice asked, sounding quite annoyed at the situation. A mysterious girl had quite ferociously tackled Grif's new hostess into a bear hug. She was quite oddly dressed, wearing what appeared to be a witch's outfit. Her top and skirt were black, and she wore a white undershirt and a frilly, white apron over the front of her skirt. A white ribbon wrapped around her waist, and was tied into a quite large bow in the back. Her blond hair was long and straight. Her hair was braided on the left side of her head, the braid coming down to rest on her chest, tied with a white ribbon. The most notable thing about her, however, was the large black witch hat resting upon her head. It was adorned with a large, white ribbon, and the end was bent in a zigzagged fashion.

"Don't be like that, da ze! Can't I visit a friend once in awhile?" The girl moped at Alice's cold shoulder. The witch had been shoved off quite forcefully, though she didn't seem too bothered by the action itself.

"Marisa, it's 10:00 already. And you let yourself in; again. I don't mind your company but it would be nice if you let me know when you were coming over. Besides, as you can see, I've got company." Alice pointed out.

The witch, whose name Grif had worked out to be Marisa, noticed him for the first time. She immediately jumped in front of Alice defensively and grabbed a strange octagonal device, it looked to be made out of wood, and on it's face was a strange pattern pulsing in multicolored light.

"Don't worry, Alice, I won't let that robot hurt ya!" Marisa smirked. She pointed the strange device at him, the light inside glowing brighter. Grif wasn't exactly liking where this was going.

"MARISA! He's a human! He's just wearing armor or something! Put the Mini-Hakkero away!" Alice yelled, grabbing Marisa's arm frantically.

Marisa turned once again towards Grif, this time her golden eyes filled with curiosity. She poked his armor a few times, then grinned knocked on Grif's helmet.

"Sounds hollow! You sure there's something in there?" She asked.

"Hey! I might not sound like it, but I was the second smartest person on my team." Grif objected, mentally adding, "Considering my competition was Sarge and Donut, that's not actually saying much."

"It talks!" Marisa replied, eyes sparkling, "I wonder if this is another one of Nitori's contraptions?"

"He's not a robot, Marisa!" Alice replied, burying her face in her hands. "Anyway it's late, and our new friend here recently experienced his first danmaku battle. He's probably tired. Marisa, he'll be taking the guest room. If you intend to stay, you'll-"

"Have to take your room? Aw thanks, Alice! You're the best, da ze!" Marisa smiled, running off to what Grif could only assume to be Alice's room.

"Marisa! I didn't say that!" Alice yelled after the witch.

"Don't worry, your bed's big enough! I'll save ya some room!" Marisa replied.

"Th-that's not the point!" Alice yelled back, blushing. She looked over at Grif, who felt a bit out of place here.

"I'll be in the guest room, then." He replied, making his way up the stairs quickly. However, out of the corner of his visor, he spotted something dark disappearing in the corner of the room. He wasn't positive, but he was sure it was the same sort if weird portal that led him here in the first place. He shrugged it off, however. He was quite tired, after all.

He entered the small guest room. It was quite plain. Only a bed, a nightstand, a desk and a small bookshelf decorated the room, yet the homely feel was more than enough to make Grif comfortable. How long had it been since he slept in an actual room? He couldn't say. He had tried countless times to shirk his responsibilities in hopes of getting court-martialed. But there was one person who wouldn't get rid of him. Sarge. Whether or not he wanted to admit it, Grif knew that Sarge would never write up a court-martial for the orange-clad soldier. In his own, odd way, Sarge believed that underneath Grif's lazy exterior, there was a competent soldier who could pull through in a pinch.

It was with these thoughts that Grif crawled into the guest bed, not even bothering to remove his armor before falling into a deep slumber.

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Meanwhile...

"Yukari, you didn't show up to dinner again tonight. I have brought you some leftovers." a voice replied. The door opened to a dark room, the light from the outside illuminating a woman with long, blond hair turned around. On her head, she wore a mob cap with a thin, red ribbon tied around the rim. Red eyes glanced over at the door, and a smile graced across her lips. Her dress was quite simple, a deep purple dress with a low cut top and frilled, white trip. The woman also wore long white gloves that came up past her elbows, stopping just below the puffed out shoulders of the dress. She was gazing through a strange portal not unlike the one that took Grif to the unknown world in which he currently resides.

"Thank you, Ran," the woman, Yukari, grinned once again, "This show was almost over anyway."

With a wave of her hand, the portal closed. The woman at the door, silhouetted by the difference of light in and out of the room, raised her head in curiosity.

"I hope you haven't been causing too much trouble lately," the woman at the door, Ran, replied. "Otherwise, Reimu might get involved."

Yukari waved her off. "Don't worry so much. I'm just having a little fun."

Ran sighed. "That's what I'm worried about. Anyway, Chen and I are starting to worry about you. It's not like you to skip eating with us so often."

"Thank you, Ran," Yukari smiled, "I'll be there tomorrow, I assure you."

Ran sighed again. "I'm turning in for the night."

"Good night, Ran," Yukari replied. Hearing the door slide closed, Yukari smiled.

"He's survived day one." Yukari's smirk gradually disappeared, "Why did I bring him here, I wonder? I wish even I knew the answer. Perhaps tomorrow, I shall pay Reimu a visit. I have a strange feeling he'll wind up there."

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**AN: Gamma here! Sorry for making you guys wait for this one. Procrastination and Writer's Block don't mix so well. Anyway, the plot thickens as it's revealed that Yukari herself doesn't know why she chose Grif. Could someone else have orchestrated Grif's mysterious arrival? And if Grif is really going to wind up at the Hakurei Shrine, what kind of misadventures await him?**


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